I'm Just Sayin............

Hello everyone -

Thought I would get something off my chest once and for all. Recently, a blogging friend of mine was blasted (and blasted is an understatement) for a video she showed of her children. She was very excited to show us the video because it involved her oldest child (a 19 month old toddler) mimicking her mother at work. The mother is a pediatric physical therapist and frequently takes her children to work with her because they are both adopted and she likes to take them to work with her as often as she can. Since she owns the place, she is totally within her rights to do this but on this particular day, she was amazed at what her daughter had caught on to at work, as she should have been. The toddler was rolling over her 5 month old sister in the way that my phyical therapist friend teaches parents to do with a baby that may be delayed for whatever reason and the video was just a short little "proud parent" thing that we, as her readers, LOVE to see because even though none of us have ever met in person, we feel like we have known each other for years. And when our friend was blessed enough to adopt not one, but two precious children we could all feel the happiness and the love literally coming through the computer during her posts.

So evidently one reader took the video out of context in a way that makes no sense to me and accused my friend of child abuse and some very hurtful things. I only tell this story to say this: blogging is a neat way to meet and develop new friendships so if you don't like a particular person, or their blog, then why not just skip reading it and don't post things that are so incredibly hurtful and untrue? I haven't ran across many people who like to cause the type of drama we all left behind at high school, so if you are one of those "drama" people, and have the audacity to say mean things publicly, then have the balls to sign your real name and email address instead of making up fictitious information to get your mean thoughts posted and then run and hide when someone tries to take up for theirself. I hope the person in question here stumbles upon my blog and will maybe re-think their intentions the next time.

To the rest of the 99.9% of you that are the shiny, happy people (as the B-52's would say) - keep on keepin on and I would love to hear from YOU!

Til next time,
Susan

First of 2009

Nothing like waiting until the 3rd month of a new year before you write your first blog entry, huh? So I am wondering how to even begin - I think I am going to start blogging like a journal because there are a bunch of things going on that I don't necessarily want to "talk" about so maybe I will just write about them instead. I think I need some sort of outlet so I don't lose my mind......

First of all, the worst thing.....I am almost certain that my mom is suffering from some form of dementia; I pray it is not Alzheimer's. There are so many feelings that come from making a statement like that and believe me, I have been in denial for the past 6 - 8 months but it has become undeniable. Does anyone out there know of anyone who suffers from this very frightening and sad illness? I noticed some memory problems last summer and asked my father about it several times but he told me to quit asking him because I was making him paranoid. Hmmmm.....I guess I know where I developed my denial habits, huh? My dad did, however, talk to the doctor and the doctor administered some sort of screening tests that my mom passed with flying colors. That is what gives me hope that it isn't Alzheimer's. She is also not defensive or angry like I have read about Alzheimer's patients. She doesn't insist that nothing is wrong and she voluntarily stopped driving. Part of me feels guilty because if you have read my blog at all, then you know that I am absolutely totally and completely in love with my grandson, who is 19 months old. I feel like if I hadn't devoted all my spare time to my grandson I would have picked up on my mom a little quicker. About 3 weeks ago, it hit me like a ton of bricks when I actually spent some time at her house instead of running in and out and I noticed notes in my dad's handwriting everywhere telling her how to turn the oven on, and how to use the remote, etc. To say I was shocked is a complete understatement. So I have stopped crying - at least for now - and am trying to come up with a plan of action without scaring my mom to death. All my life she has been terrified of dementia - even going so far as to tell me that if she ever developed dementia to just put her in a home because she didn't want anyone to see her like that. So I have to figure out a way to get her to sign whatever document gives her doctor permission to talk to me about her and start from there. Wish me luck.........

In addition to that, my youngest stepson, who lived with us has decided that he can't live here under our rules. You know, the horribly strict ones that require him to be able to pass a drug test in order to keep his car or that he must get a job since he is 19 years old, and also that he needed to quit stealing money out of my purse. He didn't come to live with us until he was of legal age (14 to be exact) but he did spend alot of time with us before that so I am trying to figure out where in the world we went wrong. So he has gone to live with his girlfriend who has an apartment with her friend and he has no job - wonder how long she will put up with that?

I think that is all I have the energy to write right now.....I watch my grandson two days one week and 3 the next but this week has been all week because his other grandmother (my daughter's mother-in-law) that alternates watching him with me is helping her mother this week because she just underwent a double mastectomy. Tucker (my grandson) is a wonderful distraction for everything bad but I am really tired!

If you stopped by then please leave a comment, I would love to know who (if anyone) is reading!!!

Til next time.......

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!!

Christmas used to be my most favorite time of the year. My favorite day of the year was Thanksgiving because it kicked off the Christmas season for me. My goal each year was to have my shopping finished and all the presents wrapped by Thanksgiving so that I could just totally enjoy the Christmas season. I loved the building anticipation each day brought as we inched closer and closer to Christmas. Then my kids got older and I somehow lost my rhythm. For the past few Christmases, everything has been done in a last minute rush and my favorite day of the year has become Daylight Savings Time day - when we get our hour back. This year, a little of the excitement has returned as my grandson, Tucker is 16 months old and I can just see the wonderment in his eyes. I can just see the wheels turning as he processes all these new sights and sounds. That baby just takes my breath away! I cherish every second I get to spend with him and he truly makes my life better! I think this Christmas will be the most fun I have had in a while! Merry Christmas to all of you and Happy New Year! What are some of your resolutions this year?

Don't pass out..........

Finally, a new entry! It has been a busy, crazy place around here! We just moved into our dream home and I do believe we will never move again. We are in love with it! My grandson, Tucker will be one year old on July 31st and last weekend was my 30 year class reunion. I was on the reunion committee so towards the end, it was all consuming!! It was a great reunion and so many people I never dreamed would come, came and the people who usually make everyone uncomfortable with their catty remarks, etc didn't come! It was like the perfect reunion. My brother and sister-in-law (who are missionaries in the Ukraine) were even here - my sister-in-law is also a classmate of mine. They have been in the states for a few weeks for some major family additions - one daughter was married on top of a mountain in Switzerland in June, her oldest son is getting married this Saturday in Louisville, and her oldest daughter is having a c-section on August 11th in Arkansas! Then, on the 18th they will head back to Kiev and I can't hardly think about it. They have been all over the country in the weeks that they have been here but their stops here in West Virginia have been such great times!

I will update more very soon, I promise - I just wanted everyone to know that I am still alive and kickin'! Also, the people I wrote about in the last entry are doing well. My lung transplant blogger friend is home but battling a type of lung cancer that can occur in transplant patients so please keep her in your prayers and my blogger friend that was going to have a baby that they had been told couldn't survive outside of the womb got to spend 3 and a half hours with her baby for which they were incredibly grateful. They are doing ok, but would covet your prayers.

I promise more soon! Especially pictures of my grandson, who takes my breath away.....

xoxo
Q

People That Need Our Help...

Hey Everyone - Happy Friday!

There are a couple of blogs I would like anyone who looks at my blog to visit and leave an encouraging comment if you can after reading their stories.

The first is a woman's blog - a broken hearted woman who is pregnant with her fourth child. This child will be born this Monday, April 7th at 4:00 and will almost certainly not survive outside of her womb. The baby's name is Audrey Caroline and she has multiple problems and no amniotic fluid. This lady's blog is so charming as she describes her wonderful life and the every day happenings with her 5 year old twins and her 2 year old. Mixed in all the charm and sweetness, is what else is going on in her and her husband's life. Please stop by http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com and leave her an encouraging comment if you could. I know she could sure use it and would certainly appreciate it.

The second blog is the husband of a CF patient (cystic fibrosis). I have also followed this blog for several months and this family has been through the process of being listed for a double lung transplant, to an unexpected pregnancy, to the birth of their precious daughter at 25 weeks, to a double lung transplant on April 2nd. Please visit http://cfhusband.blogspot.com and leave them some well wishes and read their story as well.

Blogs like the 2 mentioned above make me very thankful for my life and make me see how trivial and selfish I can be at times. Both of these families have powerful testimonies and live by what they believe with every fiber of their being. Truly inspiring.

Have a great weekend!
Q

Tucker - 7 Months

Wow - how time flies. Here is the latest picture of Tucker, he is just too cute not to post!!!

Well, scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page to see his gorgeous picture until I figure out how to get it in this post. Anyone out there know what I did wrong??? :)

The Story of Me

I think I am going to use my blog as a journal so I can figure out who I am at this point in my life. I think I might be having a mid-life crisis but not if it means I need a new red sports car and an affair. I don't think I need either one of those, thank you very much. I am just lost. I don't know any other way to say it. And when I try to explain it to my husband or close friends, I am blank. I was in therapy for a long time and I remember once the therapist asked me if I had all the money in the world, a happy, settled family and could do anything I wanted, what would it be? I couldn't think of one thing. I am not exaggerating - nothing. I have devoted my life to other people (raising children, friends in need) and I have always been a fixer. If something is wrong somewhere then I am going to fix it. We went through some family things that were not fixable which landed me in 3 years of therapy. Evidently I need to go back, huh?

I probably should make my blog more anonymous, maybe I will need to start all over to do that. I am in a very weird place right now and the only thing that makes me happy is my beautiful grandbaby. I get to watch him every other week while his parents work and it is the only time I feel alive. Thank God for my precious grandchild!

We will start with the basics: My parents were born in London and Scotland, respectively, my oldest brother and I were born in Canada, my younger brother and sister were born in Pennsylvania so how the hell did we end up in a tiny little town in West Virginia? I am married (for the second time) to a wonderful guy, I have two daughters (27 & 22) and three stepsons (23, 20, 18). My house was the "hang out" house while my children were growing up, which was fine with me because then I knew where they were, who they were with and what they were doing. 2 of my stepsons came to live with us as soon as they were old enough to and the youngest is the last child at home. He is a senior in High School and he will be the death of me. He is cute as a button, charming as hell, and in trouble all the time. I am very intuitive so I figure things out quickly. He, on the other hand, thinks I have spies planted everywhere to spy on him and tell on him. I can't tell him what he is doing to get caught at everything or else he will know not to do those things anymore. My girls told him long ago that I knew everything. They didn't know how or who told me but I would know gossip from their school before they did. They think I have ESP. They told him not to test it, but.....................he didn't believe them. So needless to say I am way ahead in this game. My husband works out of town most of the time which makes it hard for me because I don't want to be the evil "step-monster". But I think we have a good relationship and so I just tell him how it is and then I listen to his side (and then tell him why his side is wrong :)

I worked outside the home before I graduated from High School and worked up until 4 years ago. The company I worked for was closing their office that was located in my area and they were going to let me work out of my house until they reopened about 6 months later. They were going to let the other office girls go. So my husband and I talked about it and I decided that I would let one of the girls who was a single mother and struggling have the "work from home" position and I would quit. This was when my youngest daughter was a senior is High School and my youngest stepson didn't live with us yet. My oldest stepson did live with us but he was a year and a half older than my daughter and in college already. So the plan was after my daughter graduated and entered college that I would travel with my husband on some of his business trips. I have never been one to leave my kids - when they were young I couldn't bear to leave them for the weekend because I hadn't seen them as much as I would have liked while working all week - and when they got older, I wouldn't leave them because I knew there would be parties at my house! I always told my kids, "I was born at night, but not last night" when they tried to get stuff over on me! Anyway, now that they were a little older, I figured if I traveled a little with my husband, they may have some company but not wild parties. I didn't get to test that theory out, though, as that same summer my youngest stepson came to live with us.

OK, this is a good place to take a break and let everything I just told you soak in. Just wanted to give you a glimpse into our family dynamic. I will pick it up from here the next time I post.

Til next time,
Q